i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
