We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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