Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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