I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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