good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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