maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
