I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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