I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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