I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
