Don't you send me to vm
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
