In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Drunk is not a location!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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