He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Randomize
