whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
