I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
