just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
