Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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