if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
