Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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