i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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