Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
