You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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