it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
porn star boner night. come get it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
