I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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