you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
