yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
