I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
