atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
