I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
