I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
