was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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