obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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