Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
