maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
