Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
