Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
