mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
