Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
