home. puking in laundry basket.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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