You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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