I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
