he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
