just come out here and I will go home with you...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
