im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
