i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
