A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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