he puts the penis in happiness.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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