I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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