Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
