one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
