i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
