I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And then he peed in my hair
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
