Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
