my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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