can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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