My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
