I cockslap morals
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
