omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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