Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
