She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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