The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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