she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
