just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
