I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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