if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
