my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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