sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
