We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
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There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
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I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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