Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
