the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
