my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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