I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
