I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
