We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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