I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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