Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So many bounce houses so little time
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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