she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
